Chris has lost 4.5lbs this week!!
This week Chris talks about the mirror, and how it can be your enemy if you let it..
As I am writing this blog issue, I am 80 pounds lighter since January 16th. That is a huge amount. If you look at 80 pound dumbbells in the gym it will look very heavy, and that is because they are. It is the most that I have ever lost at one time. The admiration and love I receive from everyone for my achievements has been amazing. My clothes are looser and I am in the process of getting rid of clothes that are too big and getting clothes that fit better. I can walk faster and work out longer than I once did. The pounds are showing off of me in so many different ways except for one. My mirror.
Anytime I look in the mirror all I see is a skinner face, but the same old Chris. It is difficult for me to look in the mirror. But I do. I have to keep looking to hopefully one day see what everyone but me is seeing. I have a friend who is in the same position I am in. She has lost a lot of weight, but is still unable to see it. Like me, all she sees is fat, fat, and more fat on her. When she told me her story, it saddened me. I was really hoping it was only me that felt that way. It feels sickening and miserable. I hate that someone else goes through it. My conversation with her is what brought on the blog post. I hope she reads this and knows she is not alone.
As a heavy person you get so accustomed to being hard on yourself. I was always the first person to call myself fat. From the minute I woke up to the minute I went to bed, I was always complaining to me about how fat I was or am. For as many youngsters pointed at me and said “look at the fat guy”, I said it to me myself so much more. As many people that ignored me because I was as fat as I was, I ignored me even more. So many people were so hard on me, but I was always hardest on myself.
That is one of the reasons I see a counselor once a week. I have always said that if you do not fix your head the rest of you will not be fixed and that is the truth. I can have a surgery over and over again. I can lose pound after pound. But if I do not figure out why I over eat and why I do not take care of myself, then I will gain every pound back. Those pounds do not discriminate and they will be back with plenty of their buddies. I do not want to see 400 pounds ever again. I do not want to see 300 pounds again. I want to be happy and healthy. The only way to get there is to continue to explore the abyss that is my head. The counseling is really helping. Every time I go, I learn a little bit more about myself. I understand a little more why I did this to myself. With every session I learn to love me a little more. The more I love me means the fewer pounds will come back to me to stay. As I learn to realize that the mirror I look at lies to me. Now the mirror only lies to me because I allow it to lie to me. I need to focus on healing and I need to focus on how I feel and not what a mirror or even a scale says to me.
If you are trying to get healthy, please remember that the scale and the mirror will lie to you. A scale and a mirror will not tell you how loved you are. It will not tell you your value. The scale and mirror will not tell you how you feel and how healthy you are. That is for you and you alone to decide.
Use your scale and mirror carefully, and do not let them hurt you. They have no feelings, why should you have feelings for them?
Sincerely, Chris
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