Theindia's Journey #2: Adjustment Isn't So Bad

This past month I have learned all about adjustment. Some good adjustment and some not so good adjustments...but adjustments just the same.

Life is all about adjustments. In the past I would make adjustments but not in the correct way. I was one of those who adjusted in negative ways. When I was sad or angry, I wouldn't try to fix what made me that way, I would just eat. This of course is not good. So this past month when I realized that I had some changes happen in my life and I needed to adjust and not just deal...I refused to fall back in my old habits.

This past month has also been a struggle for me physical wise. A few months back I was diagnosed with 'Sarcoidosis' and have been trying to adjust to my symptoms. One symptom is inflammation, which affects me in my left eye. Some days it causes me to have a terrible headache or blurry vision and other days I just have general pain. But I know I have to be tough and adjust myself accordingly. So instead of just sitting back and using this as an excuse and to fall back into my old habits, I adjusted to change and in this case my body's change. I kept up eating right, I tried light exercising, and of course I stayed positive. I tell you this, there is nothing more welcoming then that of supporting friends and family.

Since I have told myself that I refuse to fall back into old habits...I have kept pressing forward. In the past week or so I have really started to feel like my old self again. I have started back running, lifting weights, and even my favorite...CYCLING. I have even made a decision to start boxing (yep, I'm crazy I know). I refusing to be what my diagnosis says I'm to be (which is a person always tired and in pain).

This month has really taught me to listen to my body. When I need rest, I need to rest, but at the same time I going to keep pushing forward. This month I happy to report that despite me not working out at much as I was, I have lost 6 lbs! That may not seem like a lot to some but that is happy dance worthy to me! I hope to report next month more great news...but in the mean time, I will keep adjusting and moving forward!

Chris's Journey #40: Eating to Live and not Living to Eat

 I am almost three months out from the surgery and most of the healing has been completed. I am now in the middle of what I call the “New Normal”. I now no longer eat 2,500 to 3,000 calories a day. I eat between 800 to 1,000 calories. I promise all of you, that I am not trying to starve myself. I genuinely cannot eat any more than 1,000 calories a day. I feel pain throughout my body if I try to eat more. I work to eat a high protein, low carb diet just as my doctor told me to. It is difficult to do that sometimes due to carbs are easier for me to consume than protein is. But I fight hard to make sure I balance my food intact as best as I can. Here is the issue I fight every day. I still want to eat the same food and the same amounts that I did before the surgery. I do. I want to go to McDonald’s and order two double cheeseburgers and a large fry and cover it all in ketchup and eat it in less than 10 minutes. The only thing that stops me is knowing I cannot eat it all. Knowing that if I try to eat even a portion of that size, I will get sick…and I mean bad sick! So, I choose the route of not eating out and instead I eat in by eating pre-packaged foods that are single servings. I would like to fix healthy meals (or even just meals) for myself, but I cannot eat leftovers. Anytime I try to eat leftovers, I feel sick to my stomach or it just does not taste good. So I eat “fresh” food (fresh meaning just prepared food) and only that for each meal. Before the surgery, I ate 3 meals (sometimes just 2) each day and that was it. I very rarely ate snacks or “grazed”. I ate 2 to 3 very large meals every day and filled myself to the limit from those meals. 1000 to 1500 calorie meals were not uncommon. Today however, I graze. I eat 6 to 7 times a day, eating between 50 to 200 calories for each meal. By grazing I am able to eat just enough to last a few hours without hurting. By grazing I can feel comfortable and not hungry. Very rarely am I stuffed or full. I am almost always satisfied and not hurting. It is nice not to hurt after a meal. It is also nice not to feel exhausted after eating and wanting a nap. I prefer the grazing to my old method. I hope this habit stays with me the rest of my life. I do live with some fear about eating. I fear about falling back in to old habits and eating only large meals. Food is my drug. One of my best friends sent me a meme that says the following: “Food is the most abused anxiety drug. Exercise is the most underutilized antidepressant”. It was this statement that caused me to write this blog post. It hits home for me in so many different ways. I will address the food part of that statement. From the beginning of writing this blog (40 issues ago) I said I was a food addict. I still agree with that statement. I do not believe there will ever be a time that I am not an addict. This will be a fight that I fight for the rest of my life. I will always need to make the choice of eating healthy or eating something that could possibly make me fall back in to my old habits. I have told a lot of people that ask about food habits to not deny yourself of a type of food. Any time you deny yourself of eating something specific, it makes you want to eat it more. Go ahead and try it. Tell yourself you will not eat ice cream for a month and see what happens. You will be craving it non-stop, I promise. But for me, I have to be conscious of the fact that like an alcoholic or drug addict if I eat something (like fast food) even one time, that I probably will fall back to my old habit and eat all the crap that got me to be 481 pounds in 2011. That one time might destroy everything I have been fighting for the past three months. I live with some of that fear every day. The fear does not control me, but it is there. I hate that it is there, but it is there. Thank goodness I have a counselor whose focus is on addiction counseling. Thank goodness I have a support system that is amazing and loving. Thank goodness I have this blog where I have to stay honest with all of you and more importantly with myself. Thank goodness I am learning that exercise does make me feel better and I have a supportive friend teaching me how to work out smarter. Learning how to eat to live and not live to eat is the hardest battle I have had yet. It will be a battle I fight every day till my last day on this Earth. But it is a battle I want to fight. I continue to fight to take back my life. I continue to fight to take away the power that food has over me. I want to be a recovering addict. It has to happen for me to be healthy and to fulfill the amazing goals I want in my life. So every time morning comes, it is time to fight again. And because it is time to fight again, it is time to strap on my food armor because it’s another day and another battle is about to begin for me. And it is a battle I NEED to win!

Sincerely, Chris

5 day ab challenge: Day 1

5 day ab challenge!! Day 1, I challenge you to do 3 sets of fifteen of the exercises listed below. Check out Carol doing these three awesome abs

Beg 3 sets of 15
Int 3 sets of 15, 2 rounds
Adv 3 sets of 15, 3 rounds

Flutter kicks :Move your legs up and down, in small, rapid and scissor-like motions. Use your arms to stabilize you, but keep your back flat against the floor.

Vertical toe touches: Contract your abs to pull your head and shoulders off the floor. As you do so, run your hands up your thighs towards your ankles.

Alternating curls:
Lie on the ground, with your shoulders raised slightly so that your upper abdomen remains tense throughout the exercise. Position your feet slightly apart with respect to your pelvis. Raise your upper torso, rotating it slightly to one side, while simultaneously moving the opposite knee in the same direction. Try to keep your knee at the same angle as you move it towards your upper torso. 

Chris's Journey #39: Why My Mirror Lies to Me

Chris has lost 4.5lbs this week!!

This week Chris talks about  the mirror, and how it can be your enemy if you let it..

As I am writing this blog issue, I am 80 pounds lighter since January 16th. That is a huge amount. If you look at 80 pound dumbbells in the gym it will look very heavy, and that is because they are. It is the most that I have ever lost at one time. The admiration and love I receive from everyone for my achievements has been amazing. My clothes are looser and I am in the process of getting rid of clothes that are too big and getting clothes that fit better. I can walk faster and work out longer than I once did. The pounds are showing off of me in so many different ways except for one. My mirror.

Anytime I look in the mirror all I see is a skinner face, but the same old Chris. It is difficult for me to look in the mirror. But I do. I have to keep looking to hopefully one day see what everyone but me is seeing. I have a friend who is in the same position I am in. She has lost a lot of weight, but is still unable to see it. Like me, all she sees is fat, fat, and more fat on her. When she told me her story, it saddened me. I was really hoping it was only me that felt that way. It feels sickening and miserable. I hate that someone else goes through it. My conversation with her is what brought on the blog post. I hope she reads this and knows she is not alone.

As a heavy person you get so accustomed to being hard on yourself. I was always the first person to call myself fat. From the minute I woke up to the minute I went to bed, I was always complaining to me about how fat I was or am. For as many youngsters pointed at me and said “look at the fat guy”, I said it to me myself so much more. As many people that ignored me because I was as fat as I was, I ignored me even more. So many people were so hard on me, but I was always hardest on myself.

That is one of the reasons I see a counselor once a week. I have always said that if you do not fix your head the rest of you will not be fixed and that is the truth. I can have a surgery over and over again. I can lose pound after pound. But if I do not figure out why I over eat and why I do not take care of myself, then I will gain every pound back. Those pounds do not discriminate and they will be back with plenty of their buddies. I do not want to see 400 pounds ever again. I do not want to see 300 pounds again. I want to be happy and healthy. The only way to get there is to continue to explore the abyss that is my head. The counseling is really helping. Every time I go, I learn a little bit more about myself. I understand a little more why I did this to myself. With every session I learn to love me a little more. The more I love me means the fewer pounds will come back to me to stay. As I learn to realize that the mirror I look at lies to me. Now the mirror only lies to me because I allow it to lie to me. I need to focus on healing and I need to focus on how I feel and not what a mirror or even a scale says to me.

If you are trying to get healthy, please remember that the scale and the mirror will lie to you. A scale and a mirror will not tell you how loved you are. It will not tell you your value. The scale and mirror will not tell you how you feel and how healthy you are. That is for you and you alone to decide.

Use your scale and mirror carefully, and do not let them hurt you. They have no feelings, why should you have feelings for them?

Sincerely, Chris

Chris's Journey: #38 Miracles Can Happen OR How my Gastric Sleeve Surgery Saved My Life Twice

This week Chris talks about a scare he had, and how the gastric sleeve save him. Check it out!

About two weeks before my bariatric surgery (gastric sleeve) I had a crisis of faith. I was beginning to wonder if this was the best decision for me. Did I really try dieting hard enough? Was I willing to do what it took once the surgery was done? I asked myself question after question trying to figure out whether I should doing this surgery. I was not really scared…but I did doubt myself that this was the best decision possible. Thankful I had several good friends that really took good care of me and helped me settle down and focus on what needed to get done. As all of you who have read my blog now know, the surgery went super well and over 70 pounds down I am on my way to a healthier way of life. Believe it or not there is one last chapter about the surgery that I need to share with everyone. Two weeks after the surgery I received a call from Dr. Rao’s office asking me to come in and see them again. I had my first post-surgery visit the week before, and was not supposed to go back for another two weeks. I asked if it was important and they said yes. I set the appointment for the afternoon of the next day. Going in to see Dr. Rao a day later, my head was flooded with all sorts of thoughts. Was I going to the principal’s office? Was I not losing weight fast enough? Was I eating something wrong and someone told on me? I went in to her office and immediately was sent back to see her. When Dr. Rao and her assistant came in, she was cracking jokes and made me smile. I appreciate Dr. Rao very much and am so grateful to her as my doctor. But as soon as she got settled she got a chair and sat real close to me. She looked me in the eyes and began to talk. After my stomach was removed it was sent over to pathology for testing and to be reviewed. During that testing, a small tumor known as a GIST (Gastrointestinal Stromal Tumor) was found in my stomach. When she told me about the GIST, I just had to sit back. I was blown away. I was never expecting to receive that kind of information. I will say this; I was not scared or afraid. I just was blown away by hearing the news. Dr. Rao continued to talk. She told me that GIST tumors are very rare and she only knew of one other case. She said I was in good shape because the tumor was very small, 0.7 CM. She said that she was going to take very good care of me and send me to the best Gastro specialist and the best Oncologist she knew. Dr. Rao told me she was not concerned at all, but we had to take these precautions just to be on the safe side. She told me to call her anytime I had a question or a concern. She was there for me. She hugged me and I left her office. As I was driving home I called one of my best friend Lauren and told her. I was not sure at this time I was going to tell anyone. But Lauren and I had been through so much “stuff” together that she was the one person I knew I was definitely going to tell. I decided to not tell my family until after I got some answers. Right now I had more questions than answers and I did not want to put my family through the stress of this. Two of my uncles have had major cancer battles the past few years and both were and are wars. I did not want my family having more cancer stress. Plus as I said Dr. Rao was not worried. Waiting a few weeks to tell the family would not hurt. I did tell a few friends just to help me deal with the stress and allowed me to talk about it. Plus a prayer chain was started for me and I could feel those prayers in the coming weeks because I stayed calm throughout the whole process. I saw both the gastro specialist and the oncologist and they both said the same thing. The tumor was found early and they both felt like the surgery got the tumor out of me and that there was no more left. Testing would need to be done (CAT scan) and I would see the doctors after the CAT scan was over with. Again, prayers from so many kept me calm. God’s hand was on me throughout this process. So the day of the CAT scan I got a call from the facility I was getting the scan done and was told that I could not get the scan done at their facility and I had to go to Orange Park Hospital. I was confused and was asking why this was. I was told that I would be able to fit in the machine when I originally set my appointment. They told me that the bench into the CAT scan machine only held 400 pounds and I was too heavy. I told them to hold up! At that point in time I was 399 pounds and losing weight every day. I could fit on that bench! I defended myself for the first time in a while. I was not going to be told to go somewhere else when I did fit! I asked to talk to a supervisor and an agreement was made. I would have the procedure in 2 more weeks. I told them no problem and I would be even lighter then! I was 386 pounds when I had the CAT scan done. Boom! I fit in the CAT scan with room to spare and they were able to see everything that they needed to. A week later I went in to see the gastro specialist and to see what the results were of the scan. I sat in the office as the doctor came in and began to review my chart. He looked up and down for a while. I am not the most patient person, so after a little bit I asked him what the verdict was. He asked me a few questions about if I had any pain anywhere. I told him no. He told me that everything looked good. The scan showed no additional tumors and it looked like the surgery did get it all. In his words, I am cured. As I mentioned earlier I was not worried throughout the whole month I had to wait between the first time I was told of this tumor and then told I was healthy. God did not give me a spirit of fear He gave me strength. He gave me the strength to keep focusing on the weight and not the tumor. So even though I walked out happy, I did not feel like the weight of the world was off my shoulders and that is simply because the weight of the world was never on my shoulders to begin with. God had my back from the beginning all the way to the end. I am not sure I am a miracle or not. I do not feel like a miracle. I am not sure if this whole story constitutes a miracle like a few friends have said to me. I just know that God gave me a peace and serenity that I never would have had without Him. I am a nervous person by nature. I am a natural worrier about my friends, my family, or at times just about anything. But during a time that I should have been stressed and scared out of my mind and it would have been justified, I was calm, cool, and collected almost the whole time. I am a blessed man because that stress was taken away from me. All I can say to you is that peace was a great gift God gave to me. And it was a gift ONLY God could give to me. So the gastric sleeve surgery saved my life a first time by helping me begin to succeed at losing weight. Something I had never been able to do before. But looking back on all this, the surgery has now saved my life a second time. If that tumor had been allowed to grow like it could have without the surgery, I could potentially have been in bad shape. No one will know for sure how bad of shape I would have been in, but the doctor’s did say that a GIST tumor is very difficult to find by normal testing methods. As skeptical as I was two weeks before the surgery, I am so blessed and grateful I made the decision to have had it! Thank you Lord for my peace. Sincerely, Chris If you want to know more about GIST’s please go to this website: http://www.cancer.org/cancer/gastrointestinalstromaltumorgist/detailedguide/gastrointestinal-stromal-tumor-what-is-gist

My Top Fitness Questions Asked At the Gym

As a fitness coach I get asked a lot of fitness related questions. Here are my frequent ones. Please keep in mind, these answers are my opinions based on what I have learned about fitness.

1. If I am doing cardio and strength on the same day which one should I do first, and for how long?
 It all depends on your goals. If you are trying to increase your endurance or lose the weight, then do cardio first. If you are trying to improve or increase muscular strength do strength training first. Most of the time clients want both, so alternating between the cardio and strength is good too.
 
2. How long of a rest between reps during strength training should I take?
    Based on the FITT Principle for Muscular Strength and Endurance beginners and intermediates
   30sec to 1 minute. If you are doing low reps with high sets then your rest time should be 2-5 minutes            between sets.

3.When should I increase my weights for strength training?
   When it stops being challenging. You want to overload your muscles so they become stronger.

5. Should I eat before I workout?
     I heard this as a myth: Don't eat before a workout. Wrong.  Your body needs energy to
     perform, especially if it is going to be high intensity. It does not have to be a huge meal, but
     a healthy snack like a banana with some peanut butter or low fat yogurt with some fruit.

6. How many days a week do I have to workout to lose weight?
    It depends on your goals and what you are trying to achieve. ACSM recommends 200-300 minutes each     week of moderate-intensity exercise. With my clients i typically train high intensity twice a week with the       other days of moderate intensity 30-60 minutes. Keep in mind food plays a huge factor in weight loss.

7.  Why am I not losing weight if I work out everyday?
      In my experience it could be one or all of the three:
     1.The exercise you are doing is not challenging enough,
     2. Food. You are eating more then what your are burning.
     3. Medical reasons.

  8  How long should  warm up and cool down?
     Ten minutes to warm-up and five-ten minutes to cool-down.
     
9. When will I be able to do a head stand pushup?
      Practice makes perfect. Workout and strengthen upper body with strength training.

Motivational Monday: Why do we quit after starting a fitness plan?

Unfortuntly sometimes this happens. 

So why do we fall off the wagon. Below are the reasons that I heard over the years. 

Top 5 Reason we quit an exercise routine:

Not enough time

We don't see results 

We get injured

We don't know what to do

We feel uncomfortable 

It's not easy I know. I always tell my clients that every journey begins with a single step. Once you take that step then you have to finish it. Life does get in the way, and there seems to be are not enough hours in the day. But make time for you. Your health is the key to a comfortable long life. If we quit every time we are uncomfortable then we wouldn't achieve anything. It will not be easy, but I promise if you put in 100 percent, it will be worth it.

Chris's Journey: #37: A Tale of Two Weights, NSVs and Other Random Thoughts

Go Chris!! I am so proud of him! Today he took my 30 minute Bootcamp class, and did weights, and ten more minutes of cardio!!!

It has been nine weeks since my surgery and what a strange trip it has been. I am basically learning everything all over again. Learning to eat, learning to walk and learning to exercise. I am also continuing the long process of learning to love and care for myself. It is my job to care and take care of me. At the end of the day, that is the most important part of my process.

Don’t Speak Double Speak

I constantly double speak to myself. I will say one thing out loud to everyone and then not back it up by meaning it to myself. It is one thing to say, I love me, it is another to actually live those words out. I am constantly trying to find a middle ground where I am my best critic and not always my worst one. Showing oneself compassion is a great gift. We are able to forgive others so easy, yet we do not forgive ourselves for even the smallest transgression. I constantly beat myself up for eating this over that, or even not eating enough calories in one day. I rarely have a day where I am easy on myself. It is a challenge I have to work on. By choosing to do the surgery, I won the battle against myself when it comes to my weight. I now have to celebrate and accept that the battle is over and I have won. It is a lot harder than it sounds trust me.

My Two Weights

I have confused some people about talking of the two weights that I have. There are two weight losses that I have been talking about lately. The first is the 100 pound weight. Back in 2011 when I had a doctor’s visit, I saw the scale show its largest number I have ever seen: 481 pounds. So when last week I celebrated for being 381, it was a celebration of my highest weight and the loss from that. I will not celebrate that number much. Maybe when I hit 150 or 200 pounds lost from my heaviest? The weight that I consider my true starting point is from January 16, 2014 when I weighed in for the first time with my bariatric surgeon and began my path to surgery. I was 450 pounds at that appointment. I am 381 pounds now, so that means I am 69 pounds down. That fateful date in January is when I actively started to pursue healing and weight loss to take care of myself. That is why that second number is more important to me and not just the highest number.

NSVs

I still have a hard time seeing the weight loss on me. I did one of those side by side pictures and even though my face does look smaller, my body just does not look different to me. I wish it does, but sadly in my eyes I am still the size I have always been. So NSV (Non Scale Victories) are so important to me. So here are a few NSVs that are helping me see the weight loss I am going through.

• I am now able to wear 4XLT shirts. Cannot remember the last time that happened • I was able to fit in a normal size CAT Scan machine (had to get a test done)…that felt amazing • I am walking faster. I am walking right around 20 minute miles now. I was able to do my first sub 20 minute mile on July 5th (19:41). • I worked out for the first time with weights last Thursday. It was an amazing time. I felt so good and so healthy. After the work out was over, I had such a high that I had not felt in a very long time.

So it is all systems go now. I need to keep focusing on working out with weights and walking. I need to focus on feeling good about myself. I need to NOT focus on the scale. I need to focus on how healthy I feel. And I need to continue to find good NSVs that will help me see that I am losing weight and not just look in the mirror. There is a reason why this is a journey and not a race. It is ongoing and it is LONG. But it is also very much worth it.

Sincerely, Chris

Theindia's Journey: #1 The Beginning

Hi, I'm TheIndia, and at the age of 27 I stepped on the scale in my doctor’s office and was told I weighed in at 269 pounds. I was so hurt that day that I went home and cried. I didn't blame anybody but myself for that number. After I let those tears fall I vowed to change my life from that day forward. It was not that I had always been a small framed woman. As far back as I remember I have always been heavier than most kids in my class and that was OK (or so I thought). I was always active and always busy, so my weight never slowed me down. In high school I "grew into" my shape. What I mean by “grew in to my shape” was I didn't get smaller, but I had my body parts form in the proper place. I had an hour glass figure that most of my classmates worked hard for, so I became OK with the way I looked. But after seeing the number on that scale...I had to make a change. Not just for myself, but for my kids. It's not fun having to tell them you don't want to do this or that because you are too tired. I have learned that you never know what life has in store for you.

At the beginning of my journey, there were many challenges. And not just challenges with eating right or exercising...but personal challenges. I had no idea at the time but I was an emotional eater. It was when my mother had surgery and my father was admitted into hospice that I realized I was an emotional eater. I would find myself eating just to eat. I was not hungry, but just felt the need to eat because eating made me happy. I realized that I had a problem when I found myself at the grocery store about to have a melt down because they discontinued ice cream that I had fallen in love with. First of all, thank goodness nobody was in the store to witness my mini adult temper tantrum. Secondly, it was at that point in time that I realized I had a problem. I decided to never let food dictate my life or emotions ever again. I am proud to say since that day, I have not had any more ice cream (nor have I been back to that grocery store).

So I have told you my then. It is time to tell you about my story now! Since that dreaded day at the doctor’s office I have lost 20 pounds! Yes, me! The lady who would have a gym membership just to have one has managed to lose 20 pounds in 8 months. That may not seem like a lot, but I am beyond proud of myself! How did I do that you ask? Well, it was not easy by a long shot. It all started when I had the bright idea to push myself to the limit and stop using excuses as a crutch. I love to read so I began reading blogs on the internet and would find so much inspiration and motivation that I thought to myself that it would be cool to tell my story. But it was just that...a thought. It was not until I received an email from my amazing trainer asking me that very question, "do you want to tell your story?" All I could think to myself was...”is she a mind reader”? I still have not quite figured everything out, but I am so glad she asked me to do this. In speaking with my friends and family about writing a blog, all the feedback I got was to go for it and to tell my story. I am so happy to have the opportunity to write my thoughts and emotions and even my embarrassing melt down in hope to one day inspire someone else to start their own weight loss journey.

Sincerely, TheIndia

Chris's Journey # 36: “I’m a Loser Baby”

In my last issue I told all of you about 2011 and my 37th birthday. I was 481 pounds around that time. I remember when I went to the doctor and they weighed me and I saw 481 pounds, and I was relieved. RELIEVED! I was not 500 pounds. I really thought I was a quarter of a ton. But I was not. How sad was it that I was happy that I was 481 pounds? Makes me shake my head even now. So I went to the doctor on Monday and they did what doctor’s do, they weighed me. The scale said 381 pounds. 100 pounds lost since that fateful time three years ago. 100 pounds lost. 500 pounds is no longer on my radar, 200 pounds is. I walked 2 miles in the heat today. I walked my 5th marathon a few days ago (over 131 total miles). I am the most fit I have ever been in years. I am in charge of my life for the first time in years. 100 pounds lost since my heaviest. 69 pounds down since I started the bariatric process on January 16, 2014. Feeling good about myself and my progress. How about them apples? Sincerely, Chris