Go Chris!! I am so proud of him! Today he took my 30 minute Bootcamp class, and did weights, and ten more minutes of cardio!!!
It has been nine weeks since my surgery and what a strange trip it has been. I am basically learning everything all over again. Learning to eat, learning to walk and learning to exercise. I am also continuing the long process of learning to love and care for myself. It is my job to care and take care of me. At the end of the day, that is the most important part of my process.
Don’t Speak Double Speak
I constantly double speak to myself. I will say one thing out loud to everyone and then not back it up by meaning it to myself. It is one thing to say, I love me, it is another to actually live those words out. I am constantly trying to find a middle ground where I am my best critic and not always my worst one. Showing oneself compassion is a great gift. We are able to forgive others so easy, yet we do not forgive ourselves for even the smallest transgression. I constantly beat myself up for eating this over that, or even not eating enough calories in one day. I rarely have a day where I am easy on myself. It is a challenge I have to work on. By choosing to do the surgery, I won the battle against myself when it comes to my weight. I now have to celebrate and accept that the battle is over and I have won. It is a lot harder than it sounds trust me.
My Two Weights
I have confused some people about talking of the two weights that I have. There are two weight losses that I have been talking about lately. The first is the 100 pound weight. Back in 2011 when I had a doctor’s visit, I saw the scale show its largest number I have ever seen: 481 pounds. So when last week I celebrated for being 381, it was a celebration of my highest weight and the loss from that. I will not celebrate that number much. Maybe when I hit 150 or 200 pounds lost from my heaviest? The weight that I consider my true starting point is from January 16, 2014 when I weighed in for the first time with my bariatric surgeon and began my path to surgery. I was 450 pounds at that appointment. I am 381 pounds now, so that means I am 69 pounds down. That fateful date in January is when I actively started to pursue healing and weight loss to take care of myself. That is why that second number is more important to me and not just the highest number.
NSVs
I still have a hard time seeing the weight loss on me. I did one of those side by side pictures and even though my face does look smaller, my body just does not look different to me. I wish it does, but sadly in my eyes I am still the size I have always been. So NSV (Non Scale Victories) are so important to me. So here are a few NSVs that are helping me see the weight loss I am going through.
• I am now able to wear 4XLT shirts. Cannot remember the last time that happened
• I was able to fit in a normal size CAT Scan machine (had to get a test done)…that felt amazing
• I am walking faster. I am walking right around 20 minute miles now. I was able to do my first sub 20 minute mile on July 5th (19:41).
• I worked out for the first time with weights last Thursday. It was an amazing time. I felt so good and so healthy. After the work out was over, I had such a high that I had not felt in a very long time.
So it is all systems go now. I need to keep focusing on working out with weights and walking. I need to focus on feeling good about myself. I need to NOT focus on the scale. I need to focus on how healthy I feel. And I need to continue to find good NSVs that will help me see that I am losing weight and not just look in the mirror. There is a reason why this is a journey and not a race. It is ongoing and it is LONG. But it is also very much worth it.
Sincerely, Chris
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