Chris's Journey's #31: The Battle for Me Part 5: The New Normal

“It is not important where you were, but it is important where you are going.” – Unknown

One of the more interesting things that has happened to me since the surgery is all the different things my body is now going through. It has been almost 3 weeks since the surgery and almost all gas and surgery pain has subsided. I have the occasional back pain, or if I stretch a little too much my scars hurt a little, but for the most part I am pain free. That is a really good moment. But now, the focus goes from the pain my body felt constantly to now trying to figure out what my body truly needs.

Food

The hardest part of this stage of my journey is determining if my body is actually hungry. I am currently going through a battle of head versus stomach. My head is telling me that I am hungry based upon a clock or the fact that I have not eaten much of anything. My stomach is constantly telling me that I am not hungry. Sure I occasionally get a growling stomach, but even then my new stomach never feels truly empty and that I need to eat. So it is a battle right now for supremacy of my body, with thankfully my stomach has lately been winning out. If I eat when my stomach is mostly full, I really feel that fullness and it is not comfortable, it is actually almost painful. There have been plenty of times where I feel the fullest I have ever felt with only eating one or two bites of something. Today for example, I made myself a really poor omelet (I cannot figure out how to flip it). I sat down to eat this 1 serving of Egg Beaters with a little reduced fat cheese on it. After just three bites, I felt sick. I did not lose my food (if you know what I mean), but I felt very uncomfortable after only a few bites. It took the food a better part of an hour to finally settle in my stomach. For me full is no longer fun.

Now, I know what one of my biggest problems is with the food that I eat. I need to EAT SLOWER! Eating slowly is the best weapon we have to figuring out how full we are. In my head I am trying to eat like I normally have been eating for the past 35 years. Eat fast, and bypass the fullness. Just keep stuffing. If I ate slower from the beginning, I may not have been in the situation I am in now. It is amazing that if you do eat slow, how truly full you are and want to stop immediately. The second thing that I am doing is not drinking anything while I eat. This was a tip the bariatric center gave to us. By not drinking, it prevents the “slider effect” where food goes down easier and through you easier and helps you not to feel full. By not drinking, I am getting full faster and with a lot less food.

I do find that liquid foods (protein shakes, soups, and applesauce) goes down so much easier than the more solid foods I am now able to eat (some meats, mashed potatoes, and bread). As I continue to figure out the new normal with me I will be using more and more liquid nutrition to get protein in as well as calories.

Exercise and Moving

This has been so hard for me. I am able to walk and move around but with the healing from the surgery and the less intact of food I am receiving; my energy level has been next to nothing. I am trying my best to get a minimum of 3000 steps in a day, something that would have been very easy for me before the surgery. Now 3000 steps are very difficult, and something I have to actively work on in order to achieve it. My doctor said it would be a good two months before I felt back to normal, and to not go back to my walking as much as I was pre-surgery until 6 weeks out. But I feel like I want to move, and I really like that feeling a lot.

The Scale

I use to avoid the scale like the plague and now I want to jump on the dumb thing all the time. I made that mistake last Friday and have felt the frustration all weekend. There is a reason why doctors tell you to weigh yourself only once a week. Your body goes through a lot of things. By weighing yourself multiple times a week or even every day, you set yourself up for a lot of pain that is not necessary if your weight is not the number you thought it might be. I learned my lesson on Friday and I will weigh myself on only one scale once a week on the first day of the work week. (My scale is at my office)

The New Normal

So this is the new normal for me, rediscovering everything that my body does. But this is a very good thing for me. By learning about me during this time, I can establish better habits and better motivations for all the work I am doing. This will be a time of frustration and excitement with lots of highs and lows. But the good news for me is, that once the new normal has been established, then I will be able to excel even more than I could ever imagine.

Sincerely, Chris

Chris's Journey #30 The Battle for Me Part 4: Perceptions

“…Your best memories were experienced through that body you live in right now. The most fun you’ve ever had was possible because of your body. The last thing you saw that took your breath away was seen through those eyes in that body.  The most moving music you’ve ever given or received was given and received through that body.  That body is not you, but it is the vessel that houses you and has been your constant companion.  It was with you when you arrived and it will be with you when you leave.  That body is something to be revered and respected.”
Source: The Liberated Eater, by Cindy Landham



Sometimes when I write these blogs, I have a very clear thought and am able to knock the writing out in one sitting. Then there are blogs like today that take forever for me to finally figure out what I want to write about. It is Tuesday afternoon and usually the blog is turned in and waiting on Francesca to post it. Well not today. I have had some writers block until, my former counselor Michelle sent me an email with the above quote attached to it. She thought that it might help me out with the journey that I am on. Plus it gives an excellent description on the body image discussions that she and I had over the months we met. I read the quote and it blew me away. I promptly went out and bought the book. I look forward to begin reading it soon..

I have no other body image but as a morbidly obese male. A protruding stomach, fat fingers, legs that are always bloated, aching back if I walk too much, and easily out of breath. I do not know of anything else. It is really sad, even to me. All the birthday parties I have attended have been as a morbidly obese man. Every friend’s wedding that I have gone to or been a part of has been as a morbidly obese man. My nephews do not know me as anything else. Most of my friends do not know me as anything else. Every date that I have been on has been as a morbidly obese man. My whole life has been through these eyes. I cannot believe I never thought of that before.

As I continue to lose weight (I am down to 405 pounds now, 45 pounds lost) I will be shaping a new path of this journey. A lot of first for me will be coming up. But the one thing I need to do as I begin this next stage is the last thing that Ms. Landham said in her statement, “That body is something to be revered and respected”. I have never respected my body before. My body was never something I considered as I ate and ate and ate. I wanted everyone to respect my body and not pick on me (see previous blog postings), but I did not even respect it. To think all these years that I ate and ate, I was basically picking on myself and disrespecting my body the whole time. Wow…what a fool I was. Please note I said the word “was”.

I am no longer that man. I am learning and growing to respect my body. Walking and exercising was the first step. The surgery I had 2 weeks ago was my second step. I need to grow stronger in my mind in the next coming weeks so when I am healed I do not go back to my old ways. I do not want to attend another party or wedding or major event as Chris Hollister, morbidly obese male. I want to attend them simply as Chris Hollister, man who is getting healthy. I am excited to meet more and more people and know they will never see me as a 400 pound man. I am excited to go on my first date and know that my body type was never a part of the equation for her OR for me. I cannot wait to take my nephews to a theme park and ride roller coasters with them. All this awaits this man who is learning to respect and not trash his body.

Yes, my best memories right now were experienced with the body I am in right now. I am happy to say that there will never be another memory like that again. So look out first date, look out nephews graduations, look out friends getting married. There is a new Chris in town and this one respect himself and his body.

Sincerely, Chris

Chris's Journey #29- The Battle for Me Part 3: Aftermath

If you are just starting to read this blog my name is Francesca, and I am Plain Vanilla Fitness, and every Tuesday for the past six months I have been posting my very good friend and client's Chris's Journey. Recently he made the decision to have gastric sleeve surgery. This is one week after surgery...

Before I begin, I need to say thank you to everyone for all the positive words and show of love and support for me during the past week. I know several people in my life were caught by surprised by this, but everyone was supportive. I am grateful for the visits I had in the hospital, at home, all the FB messages, and stops by my place. Finally, the prayers meant so much to me. The fact that so many people took time to pray for me makes my heart just over flow with joy. Thank you again to all!

A few weeks ago, I was discussing my surgery with a friend and she was telling me how much she would like to do the surgery. I asked her what was her biggest obstacle in getting the surgery, and she said it was her family. She was afraid that her family would not be supportive at all. She approached the subject with them at one time, and the family told her that surgery was the easy way out and that she could lose the weight if she really worked at it. She looked at me with sad eyes, and I just tried to comfort her. My heart hurt for her, because that thought process is so wrong. Surgery is not the easy way out at all. Let me give you a glimpse of my world has changed since the surgery happened just a week ago.

When I got out of the surgery and woke up in my hospital room, it was instant pain. To complete the gastric sleeve and the umbilical hernia I had, it needed to be done laparoscopic. This included poking five “bullet holes” abound my stomach and chest and removing the stomach out through my belly button. Because of the weight that I was and by exercising with such a heavy body, I developed an umbilical hernia. That hernia was the biggest my doctor had ever seen and added an hour and half to my surgery. So waking up the pain of inserting the necessary tools inside me to do the surgery gave me so much pain. To fix the hernia I currently have my belly button packed with so much gauze it feels like concrete in my belly button and makes it hard for me to get comfortable any way I sit or lay down. So for 7 days now pain has been a part of my life.

Let’s talk about gas. To get around vital body parts to work on the stomach, the surgery involved putting gas inside my body. The gas is to help inflate and give room for the instruments to be able to get to my stomach. With a surgery like this, a lot of gas is involved. When the surgery is over the gas is left in your body to be removed naturally (let your imagination take over). When I talked to people who had the surgery done before me, they told me that the gas was the worst part. The pain for the gas is hard and rough and stays a lot longer than you would want. Those people were right and then some! The pain is harsh and intense and is one of the most painful feelings I have ever experienced. It is almost like getting shocked by electricity from the inside. The intense pain comes out of nowhere. I can be sitting down and the pain just comes in like a charging bull. I cannot tell you how many conversations I have had with people in the past week that came to abrupt end because the gas pain just made me lose all words. Even 7 days after the surgery the gas hurts me and at times brings me to tears. The only way to get rid of the gas is time and walking. The time cannot get here quick enough. If I knew the pain would be this rough, I would have had to think a little more about the surgery. I am glad I didn’t.

My body is now trying to react to the new body it is. My brain is telling me I am hungry all the time, but my stomach feels full all the time. I now have to write a new owner’s manual for my body to determine what the new status quo will be. I am also exhausted all the time. I took my first trip outside on my own today. I was out for only a short while and I needed an hour nap. That part is to be expected. Healing from surgery takes time, and the best way healing can happen is through rest.

This surgery was not the easy way out for me. This surgery was a life saver for me. It was the final life boat in the Titanic that was my body. As soon as the healing for the hernia and the bariatric surgery is complete, I will be back in the gym and working out hard. I will be monitoring my calories and the kinds of foods that go in my body. Also, in the past 6 days from the surgery I totaled up the number of calories I have consumed. That total ended up being only 940 calories since surgery. 940 calories in 6 days or 157 calories a day is crazy huh? Imagine only 157 calories a day. How hungry would you be? Does that sound easy to you? My body is going through hell right now to prepare myself for the work I will be doing in a very short amount of time.

So, I wish I could respond to my friend’s family and say to them, please do not think this is easy. I would tell them to do some research instead of just assuming that this is easy way out. From the entire pre surgical tests and doctor’s visits to the psychological tests to proving that I had been trying to lose weight for years and years. To the pre surgery all liquid diet that was so difficult because I could not eat anything for over a week. Then finally the surgery that I went through that I both hate and love for everything that my body is currently going through. This process has not nor will it ever be easy. This is HELL on Earth. But sometimes you have to go through Hell to get to the Heaven. Thankful my family has been amazing, and my friends have been there every step of the way for me. I pray that my friend’s family will open their eyes and hearts and see that sometimes everyone needs a life saver to help save their life.

Sincerely, Chris

Easy Quick Green Smoothies!

Look what I found! Smoothies are a great way to get your veggies and fruit servings in! These recipes are made with water, but I like to use almond milk or orange juice for a little tang!

Chris's Journey #28 : The Battle for Me Part 2: The Decision

Issue 28: The Battle for Me Part 2: The Decision

Wow, I cannot believe I am finally talking about this in public. It has been a crazy journey since October. But really, the journey started much further than that. It started almost a year and a half ago when I accepted and began meeting with an amazing group of people at my work to begin the process of learning to be healthier. But the journey even started further back than that. It started in November of 2011. Let me explain.

I have been working for Florida Blue for 13 years now. It has been an amazing experience and I work in a place I care about and love. Working there has also helped introduce me to some of the greatest people I have ever met. But it is still a job, although one I adore. In November of 2011 a group of Florida Blue (FLB) employees got together for a meeting called, Conversations with Leadership. These were meetings where we met with the senior leadership of our company and they answered any questions that the employees ask. It happens once or twice a year and this meeting was a little different.

There was a buzz in this meeting. In September 2011, FLB hired a new CEO of the company by the name of Pat Geraghty. Mr. Geraghty at his introduction to the company seemed personable and excited to be at FLB and ready to take on any issues that came his way. His energy is infectious and you like him immediately. I did not know that just a few months later how our paths would merge.

I will be honest, the first ten years at FLB; I met none of our CEOs. There were two before and they seemed to be up high and away from the common workers. So I went to this meeting thinking the same thing, I would learn a little bit about our new CEO, but did not expect anything after that. About an hour and a half in to the meeting, I finally got the nerve up to raise my hand and ask a question. He picked me and I stood up and said something of the following:

”Mr. Geraghty, bariatric surgery used to be a covered benefit several years ago and that benefit was taken away. Can you tell us if bariatric surgery will ever be a benefit again? I have struggled with my weight most of my life and that surgery could possibly save my life.”

I could not believe I said that. I may be an extrovert at times, but with leadership people at work, I turn in to an introvert. But I still said it. He listened to me. He said that he did not know, but he would look in to it for me and get back with me. I smile and nodded and sat down. The meeting ended a little later and I went up to Mr. Geraghty and shook his hand and said thank you for listening to me. He again assured me he would check in to it.

I figured a busy man like him would forget. There was a lot going on with our company and I figured that question would be last on the list. But 2 weeks later the vice president of my area, contacted me and she told me that she was looking in to it with Mr. Geraghty and she would keep in contact with me on it. A few weeks later, I was invited to a meeting with the Chief Medical Officer of FLB. In the meeting, he asked me questions about myself and my struggles. He too was very kind in listening to me and caring about me. My VP kept checking in with me from time to time to tell me what was going on or just to encourage me. It was amazing.

In the middle of 2012, I was asked if I wanted to be a part of a wellness program at work. I would have access to a dietician, a doctor, and a counselor. The company would provide all and be at my disposal. I quickly said yes and it was the best decision of my life. For the next 14 months I learned how to take care of myself. My counselor and I worked to repairing the mental aspects of my situation. It all lead up to that fateful day in October where I started to walk and the journey began to pick up a lot of steam.

In November 2013 the decision at FLB was finally made. Bariatric surgery would once again become a benefit. I was joyous! I now could make the decision if I wanted to take my journey to the next level. And the thought and prayer process began. Would I get bariatric surgery done?

I talked to a lot of people in my life. I talked to family and I talked to a lot of close friends. I also researched a lot (well for the past 3 years) and then was able to make a decision. I would get the bariatric procedure, the Gastric Sleeve performed on me.

So why have I not mentioned this before now? Well to be honest, I did not want any negative feedback. The decision was mine and mine alone to make, and after I decided, I did not want any other negative opinion coming in and trying to change my mind. I hope you can understand and appreciate the personal nature of this decision.

This procedure is not a cure in itself. This procedure is not the easy way out to losing weight. I equate it to running a 100 yard dash. This procedure gives me a five yard head start. The work to lose the weight will be all mine. If I do not work out and change my eating habits, I will be right back where I am now. If I do not work on my head stuff, I will be right back where I am now. If I do not work out, I will still keep the fat on my body. The surgery is a tool, and it is a tool I choose to use.

As you read this I am either currently having the surgery done or have had it completed. It will be done the morning of May the 6th. I go in to the surgery with my eyes wide open and my head held high. I have worked hard for this moment. The past week I have been on an all liquid diet and it has been the toughest thing I have ever done. I did cheat a little with solid protein, but for 90% of the week, I followed the liquid plan to the letter.

Finally, the reason I decided to do this surgery is the exact same as when I spoke to Mr. Geraghty in 2011. Because it will help save my life. This surgery will help me unlock the potential in everything I am and everything I want to become. But again, this surgery is a tool. Without me, there is no achieving anything. So I am rolling up my sleeves and once I heal, I will be prepared to work. And I am determined to make this work. A long time ago, I dug a fairly deep hole for myself in life. With a lot of work, this surgery will be the beginning steps of climbing out the hole. And I am glad. That hole has been my home for FAR too long. So, that is my decision. My choice and my choice made with God’s help. And I am very proud of me.

Sincerely, Chris