Tell It to me Tuesday- Chris's Journey #8

Entry 8: Chris Hollister: An Unexpectant Journey

Previous weigh in: 451 pounds Current weigh in: 448 pounds

Still no eating changes, only walking. Now let’s get with this week’s entry.

On Thursday of this week I will reach another visual goal. I will have successful walked 25 days. In those 25 days, I have walked over 40 miles and have noticed that things are still not any easier. I will never be at my end goal until the Lord calls me home, but that end goal is not that important. The journey is what is important. With that in mind it reminds me of that first walk 2 months ago.

Over the past 2 months I have received a lot of wonderful feedback. To say that it is overwhelming is an understatement. Part of me likes basking in that love and the other part of me wants to hide from it. People want to say I am an inspiration. That is so incredibly kind. I am honored to hear people say that about me. I will say it is still very odd for me to hear that. I do not feel like an inspiration. I do not feel like Peter Cetera (ohhh an 80’s reference) should be singing about me. All I can see is a scared boy in a morbidly obese body that feels like he will fail at any minute. That failure is what charges me up. Thinking of that failure makes me want to walk. Funny to think that two months ago, I did not want to walk. Nothing motivated me to do anything at all. I was just a fat man sitting on the couch. But what is interesting is that when this journey started almost 2 months ago, it did not start as a journey, it started as a normal day.

It was a Thursday morning. I awoke early (which for me is really saying something). Awake at 4:45 AM would annoy anyone. I was not annoyed, I was anxious. Later that Thursday I was checking in to a sleep study clinic for the night. I had a sleep study done about 13 years ago. I hated it. Very little sleep and uncomfortable cords set up all over me. But I needed to get check out for sleep apnea. I agreed to do it after a year of my own doctor telling me to get the study done. I knew I was not going to sleep that night. I am terrible with no sleep. I had to do something to get me to sleep. So it was 4:45 in the morning and in 17 hours I would be settling down to a terrible night of rest. I searched through my head, thinking “what can I do to guarantee me falling asleep later that night?” Finally it occurred to me. I needed to wear myself out. I needed to do something active. I hated the gym. I hated the treadmill. I hated working out. How would I let out enough energy to help me sleep that night? Then another thought came in to my head. Just put on your shoes and grab your cell phone and walk. So I did just that, I put on my shoes and headphones and decided to walk down my own street.

Let me get this clear to all of you. When I started this, I had no agenda to walk. Walking was the furthest thing on my mind. I just felt like I needed something to help me fall asleep that night. So the first day of my journey did not start with a lot of pomp and circumstance. It did not even start with me deciding to begin walking on a regular basis. It started so that I could sleep.

The second day of walking did not start the journey either. But it was a lot closer than the first day. It was the day after the sleep study. And guess what I was right, I did not sleep much. And when I got home I did not sleep much either. I had the occasional ten minute nap, but nothing more than being wide awake with no energy from not getting any sleep. Then late in the afternoon, I decided that I wanted to walk again. I liked the positive feedback on FB that I got from the first walk and wanted to do it again. So I walked a second day. And I got more amazing feedback. It was lovely. For the first time in a LONG time, I was feeling really good about myself.

When this became a journey was the next week. First, I saw my friend Francesca who asked me to start writing down my thoughts. Second, was my friend Christy asking me if I had any goals and if she could help, that I was to let her know (again, that support from all areas of my life has been amazing). And third, when my counselor asked me to make visual goals. Visual goals are goals I saw myself doing instead of just goals that I wrote down to “hope” to accomplish. By those separate conversations, the three days of walking (yes, there was another day) became a journey. I shared it with the world and here I am now.

So why am I rehashing information that all of you already know? Well so many people have mentioned to me that they “wish they could walk” like I do. Whether it was family, or work, or other commitments, people seemed to imply to me that the walking that I did was an amazing feat (or feet…ha!). Let me be the first to tell you, it is not an amazing feat. It is just a man trying to get healthier. Trying to figure out what his life is going to be. I am no different than any of you. I just decided to walk. To paraphrase Forrest Gump, “I was walking.”

The only encouragement that I can give to all of you is to not make it a big deal. Do not make it where you have to give yourself a time commitment to get an exercise or walking plan together. Just get out there and do whatever activity you want. To quote the philosopher Nike, “Just do it”! The more of a big deal you make, the more likely you will not do it. Make your activity where it is not complicated, or hard or any kind of effort on your part. Don’t make the activity you choose a difficult one. A difficult activity usually means that I won’t do something. Same for you? My walk started so I could get tired. I decided to walk down the road near my house. Simple plan huh? Because it was simple, I did not talk myself out of it. I did not have to think about it. I did not stress about it. I just had to do it and I did it.

Try not to make what you want to do so impossible that you decide not to do anything. Your job is to figure out ONE thing and one thing only and just go out there and do it. You even get to decide on whatever that one thing is. Then do not overthink it and just do it. Then TELL people about it. You have family and friends that want to support you. They just do not know how. If you tell them that you walked today for 5 minutes, they will support you. Let all of your friends keep you energized and feeling good about yourself. And if you do not have a friend to help support you, please know I have your back, just like you have had mine. I will be there to support you. So let me ask you a question, what are you going to do today?

If I can do it, you can do it. Just walk and keep enjoying the journey.

Sincerely, Chris