Entry # 11: 2014: A New Hope
I was dreading New Year’s Eve this year. But to be honest, I dread New Year’s Eve (NYE) almost every year. Except for a select few NYEs I have never been a fan because of that stroke of midnight. The stroke of midnight where one year becomes the next and for me, no chance has happened. No kiss at midnight which I have never had. No looking at the new year with promise and hope. Just a dread that nothing had changed that year and nothing will change the next one. Even with all the amazing things that have happened over the past few months, earlier today on NYE I was beginning to feel the same way. I was feeling down about doing nothing again tonight. As I was about to leave work and walk to my car, a funny thing happened. God stepped in, and in the form of two old friends and their kids.
I was saying good night to a co-worker when a felt a buzz in my pocket. My co-worker even said, “Hey, isn’t that your phone?” I recognized that it was and answered it. The caller on the other end was my college roommate Eric. He and his wife (the amazing Laura) and their two kids wanted me to come over for a movie night tonight on their front lawn. Without thinking (thank God) I immediately said yes. After another phone call, dinner was promised and I headed over.
The night was amazing. The movie was hilarious (Despicable Me 2), the dinner was delicious, and the company was what made the night. I got hugs. I got affirmations of me as a friend and as a person. I got what I needed. Time with people…and not just ordinary people, but some of my favorite people. After the movie was over and clean-up was done, I headed home with love in my heart and a new outlook on the New Year.
As I was driving home, I had a big smile on my face. I thought about 2014, my 40th year on this planet. 2014 WILL be a different year. 2014 will be looked at by me as a year that I got closer to getting healthy. 2014 will be looked at as a year that I finally learned the value that I have a person, friend, child of God, and man. My 40th year is going to be so amazing. It will be productive, and it will be fruitful. I will continue my walking journey. I will learn to eat better. I will take care of myself. I will continue to learn to love myself and all the quirks and faults that make me, me.
A month ago I create a list of visual goals. Goals that I saw myself accomplishing in the future. My counselor told me to create the goals, but to create them in a way where I see myself accomplishing them. I listed those goals on my Facebook page. Those of you who did not see that list, here it is:
Goals: Image Goals…Where I See Myself (with a few additions)
· Walk my first 5K. The Color Run…February 15, 2014!
· Able to walk unafraid of not finishing at the 2014 March for Babies 5K. (May 2014)
· Thinking and feeling that I am good enough for that woman to ask her out, and know if she says no, it is not because I am fat and not worthy.
· Go in to Old Navy and buy a shirt.
· Go to any store I want to and buy clothes in it, instead of being able to go to only one store.
· Finish the Gate River Run 15K (long term visual goal).
· Buy a suit and feel confident that I look good in it and not “fat man in a tiny coat”.
· Eating properly at almost every meal with the occasional splurge and not splurge at every meal with the occasional eating properly.
· Not feeling shameful over my weight ever again.
· Celebrate with friends (not food) every 25 days of walking. (I already did this one once!)
· Celebrate at every marathon I walk during this journey (every time I walk more than 26.2 miles) (I already did this once!).
· Be able to get down on one knee to propose to the woman of my dreams.
· Run around with my nephews.
· Look in the mirror with confidence.
· Disney World and Universal Studios, and be able to ride on the rides.
· Sit in a booth table comfortably.
· Love myself.
Now this list is every evolving. It will continue to grow. I will accomplish some in 2014. I will eventually accomplish all of it. 2013 was the beginning. 2014 will be even better.
Before I finish up, let me list some accomplishments of 2013.
1. I started walking on a regular basis. I have walked 30 days and over 50 miles.
2. I have seen a counselor for a year straight and we are actively working my issues.
3. I am slowly learning how to eat better.
4. I love the person I am more and more.
5. The hatred I felt for myself is getting less and less.
6. In order to take care of myself better I have bought the following: running shoes, running socks, exercise bands, and exercise shorts and hats. Before this year, I had never bought anything for specifically taking care of myself.
7. I have written 11 weeks of blogs on my health (mentally, physically, and emotionally).
8. I am being honest with everyone in my life.
9. I am being honest with myself.
Nine accomplishments for 2013! Not bad at all. 2014 there will be more. I really cannot wait to accomplish them, and to share it with you.
Happy New Year!
Sincerely,
Chris
Of your accomplishments, I actually think #9 is the most important. I am so happy to be a witness to this journey and the changes you go through to better yourself. Here's to a great 2014, for you, and me, and all of us...
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