Tell it to me Tuesday: Chris's Journey #1

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  Hi Plain Vanilla Fans!

  
  
  

  I want you to meet Chris. He is not only a client, but above all a very good friend of mine for over 4 years. I want Chris to share his journey with you- his struggles, fears, failures and achievements. Check out my blog every Tuesday to see where Chris stands on his journey to a healthier life.

  
  
  
  

  Hi my name is Chris Hollister, and I am a morbidly obese man. Plain Vanilla asked me to begin a journal of sorts to talk to you about a journey that I have been battling almost my whole life. That battle is one against me, one against my body, one against my mind, one against my weight. Over the course of the last year, I have made several changes in my life to make this battle a personal one. I began seeing a counselor so that I can learn about what broke in my mind. I began working with a group of people just like me (which I thought there were none). Learning to eat healthier is something I battle every day. And finally, about a month ago, I began working out a little and walking. It is the exercise portion of my fight that I will be talking to you over the course on the next weeks and months.

  Before we begin, I need to tell you some things about myself. I am not proud to say, that I weigh 455 pounds. I am 39 years old, and I am single and never been married. Not because I didn’t want to. Far from it. Marriage is something I want very badly. But it is a lot to ask of any woman to ignore flaws as large or as noticeable as mine. It is not fair to ask. It is hard being single. Next to my weight it is the hardest struggle I have in my life right now. But it is an important part of my story. Just like the weight, my singleness is what makes me, me.

  Now before you ask the question, “why have I not done something about his sooner”, let me tell you a few more things. First, that is a very valid question. Second, please know I have tried. I have attempted Weight Watchers 8 times, attended seminars, gone to Overeaters Anonymous, did medically managed diets, and worked out to curb my eating. I have probably lost hundreds and hundreds of pounds and nothing has stuck. I hate this fight. I really do. But it is something I fight from the minute I am up until I go to bed. Food is a hard addiction to beat, and I am an addict.
  With that in mind, let me tell you why I was asked to write this entry. About a month and a half ago, I made a promise to begin working out again twice a week. Tuesday and Thursday afternoons after work. I cannot stand working out. It hurts my body all over to do that much movement. Every part of me aches every minute of the day. But the aching does not just come from working out. It comes from putting my pants on. It comes from walking from my car in to my work building. It comes from getting out of bed every day. The minute you have as much weight on you that I have, pain becomes a part of your life. But there is something about the pain of working out that scares me and makes me not want to do it. For me to work out, it is telling myself that this event is on my to do list, and I need to check it off now. I also have an amazing trainer who I look up to, because she is so encouraging and is there for me every step of the way. If you do not have an encouraging trainer…stop working with them. A trainer first responsibility is to help instill the thought process that yes you can do this. If you trainer is not doing that, just walk away and find a new one.
  I got off the subject…my fault. So 6 weeks ago, I started my work out process. I was instructed to do the treadmill only. 20 minutes of the treadmill. GROAN! I hate the treadmill. It looks at me and mocks me. And then you walk a long amount of time and never go anywhere. It is just not cool at all. But the funny thing is about these two week work out times ended up not being so hard. The gym had very supportive caring people there, and I went to be there with them. Not to take care of myself, but to be there with them. That is a large red flag. In order for exercise to work, you need to be doing it for one person, you.
  So last Thursday (10/17), I ended up getting up WAY early. 4:45 AM to be exact. I normally up at 6:00, but not this day. So I got up and I felt motivated. I decided right then and there that I did not want to go to the gym that day. I wanted to go walk right now. There is a long straight road near where I live where I see “pretty people” (people who exercise, walk and take care of themselves) walking and running. I drive this road every day and I on most days I think, one day I should walk this road. But I never did. I always stayed planted on my couch. But not on this day. I got changed, and I left the house before I could think about it. I went to the road and I walked it. I walked from my apartment to its street lights. When all was said and done I had walked 1.6 miles. .8 miles each way, and I did it. I was very proud of myself, and I did what most people do when they are proud of themselves, I wrote it about it on Facebook (FB). I went to work, and did not think about my walk…
  Until I got home. I signed on to my FB account after work. And what I saw was nothing short of startling. My friends were liking my post about me walking. But not only were people liking my post, but some were putting up encouraging comments to help me. But the time the day was over, I had over 50 likes and 20 people left comments. It was amazing. I cherished each message back from my friends. I had a large smile enjoying each comment. It was one of my best days.
  So then the very next day, I decided to again. But this time I went in the heat and in the afternoon. It was a very hard walk. The heat was difficult but I kept seeing the comments in my head. Those comments helped me push through. In my second walk I walked 1.4 miles. Then I walked a third day on Sunday. This time I walked 1.85 miles. So in three days of walking I walked 4.85 miles. Can you believe that?? And crazy thing is, I cannot remember when I walked 4.85 miles. But I did it, and no one can take that away from me. And today to make it 4 times in 6 days, I strapped my shoes on and walked 1.73 miles today! So in 4 walking attempts, I have walked 6.58 miles! Kick in the paints eh? My only hope is that there will be a 5th day.
  So, why am I walking so much? I honestly do not know. Last Thursday, I got up and feeling tired of doing nothing, I did something. I just now know I am afraid that there will not be a day 5. That is my biggest fear right now. I am such a good quitter, that I could become pro. I do not want to complain anymore. I just want to make myself proud and keep walking. I want to make my friends proud and keep walking. More to the point, I just need to keep walking.
  Sincerely,
  Chris