Chris's Journey #20 40th Birthday Blog Entry

Entry 20: Forty Trips Around the Sun

I am writing this with 30 minutes until my fortieth birthday. Forty years on this planet. Forty years of watching movies, talking with loved ones, and forty years of living. Problem was that I can say I wasted most of the first forty years of my life, not living life to the fullest. Ignoring my health has really put me in the position that I have been fighting for the past 5 months.

I decided to take this entry, my twentieth one to talk about what I have learned in my first 40 years.

1. Ignoring something until the next day or until “circumstances change” does not work. The more you put off working on your health (weight, smoking, excessive anything) is one day more you put off your life from beginning in earnest. You have to start right away and build as much momentum as you can. The more momentum you build the easier it will be to get back on track when you fall.

2. It is never too late to get back up again. The person that wins the race is the one that keeps getting back up. The history of this planet is filled with people who were denied and kicked and beaten by others or by life and still got up. Getting up and not giving up is something that we all have inside us. We usual mask that ‘do not quit’ mentality with our own addictions. We have to tear that mask off! The addiction is not worth the effort to mask it and have it guide us. That addiction will only bring us down.

3. Get on board or get out of the way. This is a new thought that has come in to my head lately. I was talking to a new friend who is working hard on her weight and she told me she has no support system. I told her that doing it on her own was some serious strength. She shrugged off my statement and said, “I am doing this (weight loss) because it NEEDS to be done”. I am blessed to have a LOT of support. But I am also at the mentality that if someone is not able to support me, then they need to get out of my way. I have work to do.

4. Dignity Be Damned. This was the first thing I learned. I do not look attractive walking or working out. I have fat pouring out of me and clothes shoved in places where clothes should not be. You have to forget all that. The taking care of you has nothing to do with how you look while you are working out. You have to focus on you! Anytime your voices tell you how bad you look, you look back and yell, “DIGNITY BE DAMNED”. You are not doing it for them (family, friends, co-workers, complete strangers), you are doing it for you. Let me say one last time, you are doing this for YOURSELF. Work hard for you in whatever clothes or look you want. The important part is to ignore the world that tears you down and look up at God and inside yourself and know that you are doing this for you!

5. You have to LOVE yourself. You just have to. You cannot continue to put people ahead of you and not take care of yourself first. By making taking care of yourself a top priority, you will enable yourself to be strong enough for others in your life. Imagine driving to a friend that needs you badly. On the way over you get a flat tire. If you keep driving, you will hurt your car and eventually you will be stuck. You take care of the tire; you can get to help your friend quicker. By helping yourself and making yourself first you can make yourself readily available to be there for someone and focus solely on them. By not taking care of yourself, you will not be able to give your full attention to someone as you will be dealing with your stuff and their stuff too. God first, then you, then others.

6. It is OK to take compliments and encouragement from others. You are not being selfish or narcissistic to accepting a compliment from someone. You are enjoying what another person thinks of you. It is a form of love (philos) to accept compliments and encouragement. Accept them and relish them. Appreciate and celebrate any and all accomplishments.

7. Exercise is not just needed, it is vital. Hate it, despise it, even loathe it, but know that you have to move every day. If you do not move, then your body will stop moving. Exercising can be used to relax, stretch, feel positive about you and even to socialize. Amazing people would not mind exercising with you. They just do not know you want to. Go, and ask them.

8. The buck has to STOP with you. You can blame others all you want for the issues you have. But the thing is that the more time you blame others, the less time you have fixing your situation. I spent years trying to figure out what was wrong with my brain that I overeat as much as I do. I have determined that it does not matter. Does addiction run in my family? Yes it does. But addiction runs in most people’s families. The best thing to do is to realize your past is in the past and the only thing you can change is the present and future. We are all responsible for our own actions. The sooner you make that important decision, the sooner you will be able to work on becoming the best you possible.

9. Finally, God is not out to get you. He is not trying to make your life miserable. God is not a stop sign. God is the glorious green light. He is trying to tell you to “Go, go, go”, but the problem is we are too busy looking at others or at our past to see the green light and move on. God wants you to succeed and then look back at this monster and see that you were able to conquer. Remember God wants to give us His best, but we need to have our ears and hearts open to accept that best from Him. It may not come the way that we hoped it would, but by accepting that God is in control will allow you to enjoy the ride we call life. It is our job to listen and to accept.

I am sure that I have learned plenty more, but it is two minutes to my birthday and I want to see the clock strike midnight and then go to bed to take care of myself. After all I am working hard to become a happy, healthy forty year old. And that is all I can ask for.

Sincerely, Chris